Just so we’re clear, Creepy Uncle Joe™ is the man who President Joseph Robinette Biden turns into when he’s around young people of the distaff gender. (I think calling them “girls” gets you canceled these days, so that’s how we’ll put it delicately.) He’ll say something that has an icky double entendre nature to it — something that he should know has an icky double entendre nature to it, as well — and it’ll go viral on Twitter. Or maybe he’ll invade their personal space: Speak directly into their face, smell their hair, bring them up on stage without their parents, that sort of thing.
Whatever it is, it’s enough to make you forget, for a day or two, that the most physically unsettling member of the Biden family is Hunter. But surely, Thursday wasn’t likely to be one of those nights. Biden and his wife Jill (sorry — Dr. Jill) were hosting a screening of the directorial debut by prominent Hollywood Democrat and “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria, “Flamin’ Hot.” All obvious jokes aside, Longoria is 48 years old. That’s well over the age where Biden’s behavior toward a woman becomes shudder-inducing.
What could go wrong, at least from a Creepy Uncle Joe™ perspective?
He went on to praise “everyone involved for making [sic] this film. It reminds us of the power — and I mean, sincerely — the power of diversity, hope and opportunity, which is the American story.”
The film, by the way, is a biopic about Richard Montañez, the man who claims to be the inventor of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. While journalists have cast significant doubt on said claims, as the U.K. Daily Mail notes, “Longoria has ignored those trying to fact-check Montañez’s story.”
But that wasn’t really what made news out of Thursday’s screening at the White House. Nor, indeed, was it the only creepy moment of the night to make the rounds on social media:
Nor, indeed, is this the only time he’s been caught making materially similar remarks about knowing an older woman at a preternaturally young age and seeming to brag about the length of their acquaintance:
At this point, you would think that there would be someone trailing the president at all times, trying to make sure that stuff like this didn’t happen. Hide the children, hide their parents, hide Eva Longoria if he’s known her long enough. These were prepared remarks, after all — or should have been, at least. This could have been averted.
Instead, Creepy Uncle Joe™ decided yet again to say that he knew Longoria when he was 40 and she was 17. The math works out, by the way. It wasn’t just a joking compliment — although that would be just as skeevy. What kind of man brags about having known a 17-year-old girl he isn’t related to?
The kind of man who wants another four years at the White House so that, should he live that long, he can tell attendees at the Biden Presidential Library ribbon-cutting ceremony, that he met-so-and-so on Inauguration Day 2025, when he was 82 and she was 15. Is this really who you want representing the country in its highest office for any longer than he has to, America?